Why The Relationship You Have With Social Media Is Extremely Important
So to start this one off, let’s kick it back a few handful of years to chat about what my experience and relationship with social media were back in high school and college.
Let’s be honest here. I’m guessing my number one goal/experience with social media back in those days is a lot similar to what most people’s was. Looking cool.
Social Media For Me In The Past
Everything was about how many likes I got, how could I show off in some sort, and more specifically WHO was liking who’s posts. Weren’t those days just crazy looking back now?
Anyways, this was the main goal but I also used it to give people insight into what I did and connect with other people (not from my hometown, that was small enough and I knew everyone).
I wanted to show off that I played sports but also that I had my fun outside of school (the kind of fun that likely shouldn’t be on social media at that age), this is where the majority of my bad relationship with social media started.
I remember vividly posting a picture of myself at a party and, after not getting much traction, I deleted it. Now the lack of likes wasn’t the problem, it was the anxiety I had the next handful of days at school wondering if I or one of my buddies would get called to the principles office (and get interrogated about a “potential” party that happened).
How social media impacted me back in the day
If you can imagine sitting in class and every time that dang speaker came on you thought your name was going to pop up or watching the door just waiting for the AD or principal to walk in, waiting to either be suspended from sports or have the next 3 weeks be a constant game of “where were you this night”.
This sequence pretty much sums it all up for me: First post about what I’m doing (to show I’m THAT guy), wait to get people’s reactions (get that affirmation we’re all looking for), and then wonder what the next week of school will be like.
The other problem I faced was that I was just on it constantly.
Now compared to today’s teens, I wonder where my “addiction” would stack up but it certainly was a big piece of my life that I realized as I got older needed a bit of a reevaluation.
Social Media For Me Now
As I turned the corner to my early 20s, I knew there was a much better way to utilize social media (we’ll get to why and how I did this in a bit).
Since I was becoming an adult I needed to shift from “party guy” to more professional but still show my true self since that’s not something I wanted to hide or sacrifice for the sake of just a job.
Starting off I had three main goals for making this transition:
Utilize social media to make professional friendships (I’ve actually been to a wedding from a friend I met off LinkedIn)
Give people an understanding of who I am (share what I believe, what I find interesting, etc.)
Show the work that I’ve done and the skills I have (accomplishments, creative skills, projects, etc.)
In my mind, this was a positive way to use social media without just being fake online.
Now with this shift, I’ve also seen how my relationship with it has turned for the better (that doesn’t mean perfect).
My relationship with social media now
These days I wouldn’t say I have it all figured out in terms of how I use social media but I certainly get more enjoyment and feel better after using it.
I see it as a place where I can show what I’m learning and the skills I currently have which normally is in a creative way. With that, it forces me to continue pushing myself to build those skills and not just settle for where I’m at.
Along with this, and as I mentioned, I’ve made some really great connections. People that I’ll likely be friends with for a lifetime, so don’t sleep on actually meeting people in person that you met online.
As I said though, I still struggled. I have a tough time getting off of certain apps and as much as I wish I didn’t, I still easily get caught up in the comparison game (maybe more so now since it’s my work).
As you can see, it’s been a bit of a full circle for me in terms of social media and how I feel about it but now let’s get into why I focused on making a change.
Why It’s Important To Have A Good Relationship With Social Media
Let’s get the obvious out of the way first. Social media is a large part of most of our lives and will continue to be. It’s not something going away anytime soon and if you’re like me, you want something that’s a bigger piece of your day to be positive rather than negative.
Now with it being a big piece, the other main reason behind why is that what you consume on social media impacts you personally (even if you don’t realize it all the time).
As much as you don’t want to think you’re always being influenced, well you are.
That video “Charlie bit my finger”, that influenced me somehow back in the day (also not to mention one of the Mount Rushmore videos). Not saying that it influenced me a ton or in a great or extremely bad way but it did.
What you consume can impact:
How you act (do you work out because you gain motivation or always relax wishing you had what “they” had?)
What you believe (we all that you get reinforcement or the negative opposite side of what you believe on social media)
Your outlook on life (is it positive and optimistic in some way or are you in a rabbit hole you can’t get out of?)
The skills you have/don’t have (you could lack the soft skills in person but could also gain great marketing skills)
The list could go on but you get that point.
Social media can be a massive benefit if you use it correctly. There are lots of upsides but also a good amount of downsides. Don’t lose the opportunity to build friendships, be creative, or create an income because you don’t take the time to have a good relationship with how you interact with your social media apps. (do I sound old…?)
Enough with the preaching though, let’s dive into how I started to change the way I used social media.
How I’ve Started To Have A Better Relationship With Social Media
First off I want it to be known that this is still a constant work in progress for me and will always be. I don’t think you ever have this fully figured out and with new apps coming out constantly, you might be dragged into one deeper that you don’t even have right now (think TikTok).
Delete most of your social media apps off your phone
When I knew I needed to turn things around a bit, the first grand idea I had was deleting my social media apps off my phone.
Now I wasn’t deleting my accounts but what I was doing was putting a barrier between myself and opening the app constantly. That barrier was that I had to open up my laptop to access any accounts.
This might not seem like a lot but even that small amount of time/effort can stop you from the continuous stroll, especially in places like the lines or the bathroom (maybe go back to the old newspaper…).
This is the spot where I struggled the most. There would be many times that I would open my phone to look at an app, only to realize that I was looking for something that wasn’t even there. Right away you’ll start to understand how often you used to open your phone without even knowing it to scroll away (you might feel like an idiot from time to time).
I deleted accounts that served no purpose
After the first step, this was the next logical move. These were apps that I wasn’t contributing to in any way whether that was posting content, creating relationships, or getting true information.
For me, this was an easier step. It started to feel good to get rid of accounts and apps that I wasn’t using and I was already using them less and less since I had to open them up on my computer compared to my phone.
I also remember when people would ask me for my Snapchat or Twitter only for me to say I don’t have one. You’d be surprised by some folk’s reactions.
Start to contribute to the apps you have
As I just mentioned, I started to delete apps that I wasn’t contributing to in any way but what I did after that was focus on contributing more to the apps I kept.
This can be posting things that you’re learning, accomplishments you’ve had recently, what you believe in, or just what you find interesting.
It doesn’t have to be anything significant but just start.
This might be scary to start (trust me I’ve been there) but to help, think about how much content you consume and how little you remember a specific post from a specific person. That can help you through the feeling of judgment from others you think will be there (most of the time, it’ll be positive feedback even if it’s not amazing content).
I remember I just started with reposting things on LinkedIn with a sentence of my thoughts. It was such a big deal to me that I did this in the moment (and even took a few minutes of confidence and a few sentence rewrites) but looking back now there was no reason to be scared.
Now I obviously have a podcast and I post on Linkedin but I also share things on Instagram, and most of the time I’m too confident when posting on there, and for most episodes I release, I question if it’s worth it or if people will get anything from it but I still go through with it.
Again, something that’s a work in progress constantly.
Now I know this is a pretty heavy topic that’s touched on a good amount (I’ve even gotten sick of it every now and then) and there are documentaries like the Social Dilemma that can put a real scare into us but it can be a smoother transition than you might think.
Having a good relationship with social media doesn’t mean you have to delete it all or only use it for 30 mins a day, you just have to start to understand how you feel after you’re online.
Do you feel good? You might be on the right path and watching content that adds to you in a good way.
Don’t feel so good? Start to figure out why that is. Is it the content you consume or the amount of time you’re on there? it’s different for all of us but you just have to take the time to figure out what it is for you.
