What Progress Not Perfection Means To Me
This saying “progress not perfection” have been my main driver the past handful of years. Not only because at the time I started to embrace it was good timing but also when I look back at my life, most of what has played out is very much in line with this.
If people were to ask my dad or sister if I was a perfect kid when I was younger, you’d likely get a good laugh from them.
Not because they don’t think I’m awesome, I know they do, but because so much of my life has been about doing the wrong thing (sometimes multiple times) and then learning from that, NOT just getting it perfect from the start.
It didn’t matter if it was learning how to crawl as a baby (apparently I could only crawl backwards, don’t ask me why though) or as I got to my teen years and got in trouble a few too many times before I learned my lesson.
A lot of people ask me why this is such a big focus of mine and my answer is simple, it keeps me in action mode with whatever I’m doing.
If your focus in progress and not perfection, you’re not worry about so much on the front end (which might have you taking less action then you should). Instead, I lean heavily towards just doing what I believe is right in the moment and if it’s not, well at least I figured it out quicker than most.
Now this doesn’t mean I’m reckless. There is definitely a balance between never thinking things through and just being wild and overthinking things so much that you freak yourself out instead of inform yourself.
And if you ask me if I think you should adopt a similar way of going about things, I might be biased but I’d say yes.
I might be the extreme version of this, but I do believe that way too many people don’t do as much as they either want or should. They “sleep on it” or “give themselves some time to make an informed decision” when really the best thing they could do is just go for it.
Now to give my thoughts on this some credible backing (instead of just rolling on the fact that if I believe it, you should too type of talk) I’m going to go into the perfection paradox a bit, tips on how to overcome trying to always be prefect, and then how to learn to embrace yourself and the journey as you go.
Pefection Paradox
Starting with this thing called the perfection paradox. The simple way to put it is that on most occasions, someone who is trying to be perfect in a certain area normally under performs compared to most.
Now you might be asking, “Tommy what science do you have to back this?” and I will say none, zero, zip. But from a lot of what I’ve looked at, experienced, and witnessed I’d say it’s pretty dang accurate. Probably a good 92%.
But actually think about it for a second.
Think about your favorite athlete. Anything from MMA to cheerleading, whatever your groove is, think about that person.
When have you ever heard them say in an interview or off the cuff conversation that the reason they’re at where they are is because they were perfect.
You could also be saying “I’ve heard them say it at least once” which then I would say I think they used the wrong word.
What they meant to say instead of I was perfect in that moment, is that they were great in that moment. Because looking back even at the championship or awards athletes win, there is always something they can improve on and if that’s the case, well they weren’t perfect.
I say all of this because in the world we live in today, there is a higher pressure to be perfect.
Whether that’s how you look, what you say, or what you believe in, if you aren’t looking or sounding perfect, it seems like you aren’t doing life right.
We all feel like we have to prove our self worth to other people and if that self worth is anything lower than perfection we beat ourselves up and that’s just not cool to do.
Now that was a bit of a tangent but it goes into the next thing I want to chat about which is what only wanting to be perfect can do to you.
The Cost Of Trying To Be Perfect
Two ways I see this:
It can ruin you
It can ruin relationships
How it can ruin you
Start with how it can ruin you. I could list off a ton. It can ruin your self image because if you aren’t perfect then you’re less then everyone else you think is perfect. It can increase you anxiety because instead of loving yourself for you, you’re always worried about what you’re doing wrong or how you might look in those clothes you just bough because you thought they were trendy. It can increase stress because instead of giving yourself the freedom to explore, make mistakes, and learn, you’re too worried about the next move you’re going to make and if it’s the right one or not.
I’m being real though, the list could go on but the point I want to get across to you is that even if there might be some positives to trying to be perfect, there are a lot more negatives when looking at how it can impact yourself.
How it can ruin relationships
Getting into how it can ruin relationships, this one is a bit more simple.
Think about the last relationship that ended on a not so great note. It could be a significant other relationship, family, or friend. Now I know there are so many serious things that could happen to end this relationship but could it also be because you or them was expecting the other person or the relationship as a whole to be perfect?
No arguments, no differences in thought, and no miscommunication?
I know I’ve ruined and stopped relationships in the past only based on the person not being quote unquote perfect compared to the pedestale I put them on in my own head. Wanting to be perfect is just not doable and if you only want that, then in my beliefs, life is going to be pretty miserable.
Now instead of the just lecturing (like it sort of seems like I just did), let’s get into a few tips on how to overcome the want of always being perfect.
How To Overcome trying To Be Perfect
Act instead of plan
The first thing you can do is easier said than done but it’s to act instead of plan. Now all the analytical people hearing this are likely shaking in their boots but try it.
The next time you have a small decision or task you need to complete (like when you’re going out to the bars with friends) instead of planning each location you’re going to hit and what the perfect outfit is going to be, just act. Put on whatever you see first (hopefully it isn’t that onesie we all have in our closets) and just go to the first place you want to go.
You might realize you have a bit more fun with how unsure things are going to turn out and you’re likely not worried if everyone else thinks the outfit you thought was perfect is what they’re thinking too.
You can certainly apply this to things at work or school but start off with smaller decisions. If you’re a more analytical person and you start with something pretty important, you’re likely to give yourself a bit more stress and anxiety than you should.
Laugh at what you mess up
Getting into the second tip, this one is pretty simple (especially if you’ve got good jokes) and that’s to find one piece to laugh at off anything that fails or goes wrong.
Ever see me around and laughing to myself? It’s either because I just messed something up or I thought of a good joke for the next office meeting. I use this simple tip so often and even when there are times in the moment that there is nothing to laugh about, oddly enough most times I think back at that situation, there turns out to be one funny piece.
Maybe you just bombed your most recent presentation (that also could have helped you get that promotion). Sucky situation right?
Well, don’t you remember how at the start messed up your own name? At the moment it made you pretty insecure but looking back everyone knows that you know your own name so maybe it’s a bit funny that you took it so seriously when it happened.
Now that might be a crappy example, but there is something to laugh at in any scenario if you look deep enough. And if it is funny, at least something that makes you smile.
List off everything you mess up (and review it)
Moving onto tip number three though and it’s to write a list of things you mess up or fail the moment you do them and every month review that list.
You might be thinking, how am I supposed to keep up with all of that, I’ll probably mess up just keeping track of my mess-ups. That sort of proves my point on this one.
So many things that you might be thinking are so important or a big deal that you don’t do perfectly really aren’t that important or such a big deal.
I am so guilty of putting a lot of weight on things that don’t justify all the weight being put on them. Like the time I accidentally sent the wrong email to the wrong vendor, I truly thought my job was at risk. Well, all that happened was they gave me a better quote than who I meant to send it to and we ended up choosing the vendor I didn’t mean to contact.
What I’d actually love to see or hear is someone who takes this tip seriously and reaches out to me to hear how much of that list that they messed up or failed at really mattered after that month was done. If you, yeah you, are up for the challenge, shoot me a message.
Learn To Embrace Yourself And The Journey
Now the last piece I want to touch on just a bit is learning how to embrace the journey as you go.
This is something I talk a lot about but it really is important to me.
If you aren’t enjoying the journey of what you’re doing or how you’re living, to me it just isn’t worth it. As I’ve said, that doesn’t mean you’ll like everything you have to do but it makes those times a bit better and the good times pretty dang great.
When doing this you’ll start to thank yourself that you didn’t let being perfect hold you back from what you want to do or experience. You’ll embrace the journey with the mess ups and failures that’ll come but that won’t hold you back from continuing to enjoy it.
And really the part I want to close out with is that if you start to focus on progress not perfection that doesn’t mean you can’t strive to be great.
I said this before but I believe too many people use perfect when they really mean great. Daily (or at least most days) that’s what I’m working towards.
Being a great friend, son, sibling, coworker, and honestly anything I do, I want to be great but that doesn’t mean I’ll be perfect. I’ll mess up, I’ll say the wrong thing, I’ll do what isn’t best, but that’s all in the process of being great, not perfect.
